Today is my birthday. I’ve been blessed with 58 years on this glorious planet and I hope there’s many more to come.
It has been a day of reflection and happiness, I have felt close to the people most important to me, even though they’re not here with me (or I with them) and that is the most wonderful feeling. Sometimes, being of a certain age and no longer having a significant other, life can feel a bit lonely. I have worked hard this past year learning to love living with myself, being alone. It can be a lovely state – nobody to pick up after, nobody to argue with, but sometimes, it can be a bit much – nobody to pick up after, nobody to argue with.
Social lifestyle
Back in the day I would have just taken myself off to see friends, but now they’re all parents – I found out today two of them are to become grandparents – wives and girlfriends with busy lives. Social engagements now have to be planned in advance, you can’t just suddenly arrange to go out or meet up. I’m not sure when it changed, when fun had to be diarised instead of being spontaneous. I guess it must have been when we hit our 30s, or at least in my social group it was I think, when long-term relationships and babies gradually took over.
I’m not saying anything against that, I was part of that long-term relationships and babies group – my family obviously took priority over everything else. My path though took a different turn later. I love my daughter more than anything, but she no longer needs me in the same way she did when she was little and she lives a long way from me. Empty nest syndrome is a toughie.
Living my life alone, my way
So as I said, I’ve been working on living alone – and I’m a work in progress, I don’t always get it right. Meditation helps enormously, as does yoga and breath work. But sometimes you know, it gets, well, a bit lonely this living alone lark.
My lovely sister took me out to dinner tonight and I spent today doing interesting work, which I love. I’m so glad I eventually had the courage to leave employment and strike out on my own again as a freelancer, it makes such a difference getting up in the morning knowing I’m going to enjoy what I do; it makes my work life so much more satisfying. I feel more enthusiastic and I feel more like me again – I hadn’t realised until I left my job just how much it had sapped my self-confidence.
I could have just sat it out for a few more years until retirement – indeed that was suggested as an option to me by one person who really should have known better. That was never an option. Life is for living and it’s far too short as it is! 58 years on this glorious planet and I’m bloody well going to make the most of the time I have! No self-pity here, just honesty.