Conversations through the middle

Life from a (slightly) more mature perspective

WTF?

So, I moved back to the north east, not quite back to where I was born, in Gateshead, but across the river to Newcastle.

It’s close enough – I’m near my sister, who I now see several times a week, my dad, who I never see, and my brothers, who I never see, but that’s nothing new. At least with my dad I know he’s just a car ride away and I find that comforting, especially as we are all getting older.
I’m comfortable, I feel content. You can’t just dismiss 24 years of a relationship without any comeback – sadness, regret, wonder if you’ve done the right thing, fear at what lies ahead and worry about finances – but for all of that, and I’ve experienced all of that since my move, I’m content.
I don’t know if I’m happy. I sing along to the radio and I’ve smiled/laughed a few times, but does that mean I’m happy? It will take time to know, or even it will take time to become happy – I don’t think it will just come naturally, just like that.
Emotionally this time is very much up and down for my daughter – and so for me. She is not content. She blames me for breaking up her world, taking her away from her dad, her friends and her school (that she didn’t like so much at the time, but now remembers with the fondness of rose-tinted distance).
I don’t know how to handle her at times. I think she is starting to settle and enjoy her new school, being near her cousins; she seems calm. Then she explodes. Complete meltdown. It happened again this morning. She is not at school because she refused to go. And I feel totally guilty and helpless.
She is almost as tall as I am so I can’t carry her to the car, I can’t drag her out of the house; I talked with her and thought I was getting through to her, but no.
This is the second time since Christmas I’ve had to ring her school and tell them she refuses to leave the house. They are very understanding and, like last time, there will be a meeting with her form tutor and senior staff to try and make everything okay, make her happy.
I feel like I can’t make her happy, I can’t do anything right. Of all of this – the massive decisions already taken, the huge move almost 300 miles away from where I’ve been for the last 24 years and the man I’ve been with for the last 23 years – this is the biggest thing, the hardest thing to deal with. My child’s sadness is my fault, and, knowing I would give my life for my child, what does this say about me?

Canapes recipe book giveaway – drawing again!

Well despite my best efforts I haven’t been able to track down two of the three winners of our Canapes recipe book giveaway, held back in October (is it that long ago already!)

Please, please, please, if you enter a giveaway at 40s Chic leave some way of contacting you, be it your Twitter name or blog link.

Sooooooo the winners of our redrawn Canape giveaway are… Olivia 280177 and  Victoria from Verily, Victoria Vocalises. 

Congratulations guys and thank you for leaving contact details! I hope you enjoy the books which will be sent to you direct from the publisher. (Bet you thought you hadn’t won, didn’t you).

Colour, words and emotions – new beauty from Lush

If you thought makeup was all about colour, texture and ingredients, well its is, but that’s not all of it. How about emotions and words that translate into colours? That’s the ethos behind the new Emotional Brilliance range from Lush, which launches in July (21 to be exact).

The idea is we are a mixture of things, a swirling whirl of emotions, fears, securities and insecurities, that are in flux and never constant. You don’t just pick colours from this range, you feel them. I’m not being weird but I’ve tried it and I was impressed, and I get where they’re coming from even though I’m not sure there’s any scientific basis behind it (then again there’s no scientific basis for many of the things people believe in).

You won’t just go into a branch of Lush and buy this new make-up range, you will play a game first. You will close your eyes, clear your mind and listen to the colour wheel spinning in front of  you. When you open your eyes you must select three colour blocks from the wheel – but do not think about the colours you’re choosing or want to choose. Just do it.

The shades you pick are indicative of your moods, strengths and talents or aspirations. Each colour has a word attached – in my case the words were bubbly, control and perspective. This is the weird bit, until the evening of the day before I had been feeling down, then I got the interview I’d been trying to get for a feature I’m working on, and I felt much better, really up. The improved mood stayed with me the next day and it’s still here (long may it continue). As for control, well that’s something I need to take and get back (coincidence?) and perspective, well I didn’t see that one so much, but I guess it could be accurate in certain situations, and I certainly do aspire to having it.

As for the colours, well they’re highly pigmented and looked great swatched on my hand, but I still have to try them on my face. The texture is rich yet smooth, they are not fragranced – and they are suitable for vegetarians and vegans, so they’re accessible to everybody. There’s eyeliners, lip glosses and eyeshadows in the collection, all of which contain natural ingredients including organic jojoba oil, rose wax, herbs and almond oil. On top of that the packaging and bottles – minus the brush inserts, which can be reused – are recyclable.

It is so cool to see a cosmetic launch that is coming from a different direction. It may be too off the wall for some people but for me, well I’m fascinated, and I will be looking into the philosophy behind the products more closely – it’s based on the work of Lady Helen Kennedy who is a strategic behavioural therapist and who has worked with Lush for many years. Let me know what you think of the products and playing the game – I’d love to hear.

The smoky effect is dry ice with hot water poured on it – spooky!