school Archives - Conversations through the middle

Preteens – Dot is bored and I don’t know what to do

May 15, 2013

Dot when she was easier to handle

I’m at a bit of a loss parenting-wise. I know being a parent is hard work – and children don’t come with a manual for how to get it right – but this time, coming up to her 12th birthday, seems to me to be the hardest bit so far.

Her terrible twos were terrible and her troublesome threes none the less so. She has always been very strong willed and I didn’t cope so well with the toddler years – the tantrums, screaming and all that comes with them. When they’re that age though you can scoop them up and carry them away with you to wherever it is you want to go and they don’t. You can’t do that when they’re almost teenagers.

Dot is very nearly as tall as I am, she is healthy and strong – and if she doesn’t want to do something how in the hell do I get her to do it? Add hormones into the mix and I’m on a hiding to nothing.

She’s bored – school is boring, her creative writing club is boring, lessons are boring. She decided she wasn’t going to school this morning because she has maths and geography and – yes, that’s right, they’re boring.

This isn’t the first time I’ve had this refusal to go to school and it is becoming more frequent. I have tried reasoning with her, ended up shouting at her, grounding her, taking away her computer/DS/XBox/tablet privileges. So far, eventually, I’ve got her there. But what happens the day none of that works?

We came close this morning I think. I didn’t lose my temper I’m glad to say. I did reason with her and at several points I thought I was getting through, then the tears came – hers. After the crying the stubbornness and point blank refusal to go. I threatened to ring the school and tell them she refused to attend and I tried to explain to her what the results of that phone call could be – meetings with the head, possible intervention by education officials…

I have no idea if that would happen, but I don’t want to get to the point of finding out.

She is growing up, but at the same time she’s still a little girl. Her mood is all over the place and I know that’s because of puberty. She doesn’t need me as much, but doesn’t realise how much she still does need me. There’s a lot of upheaval at home at the moment also, which doesn’t help and which is affecting her. But despite all of this, she still has to go to school.

So as I said, I’m at a bit of a loss…

If you have children of a similar age or older, are you having or did you have the same issues we are having and if so, how did you cope with the situation? Am I worrying about nothing? I want somebody to tell me it will all be alright in the end. I’m very conscious this is a vulnerable time for Dot and I want to get it right – but I don’t know what to do for the best much of the time.

Leaving school, growing up, moving on

July 20, 2012

It’s Dot’s last day at primary school today. This morning we attended the year six leavers’ assembly and all of the children, mums and dads were affected by the emotional atmosphere in our little village church.

Each child had a part to play – Dot and her friend sang a duet and they did it beautifully; there were readings, a hymn, presentations, a song from The Tempest (their school play) and tears…

There will be a lot more tears to come I’m sure as after leaving the church all of the year six pupils were headed back to class to gather friends’ autographs and have their shirts and t-shirts signed by everybody in the school. Then, tonight, they have their leavers’ disco – dancing, sweets, running around and more tears…

I don’t know where the past six and a half years have gone! Only yesterday I was dropping her off in the reception class for her first day. Only the day before that my mam was dropping me off at infant school for my first day – I can still remember so clearly the moment she left me in the classroom with the rest of my class and my teacher; my name was called for the register and I just sat there silent, refusing to answer I was so shy…

I’ve just been to school to collect Dot and amazingly, no tears! They all seemed happy – covered in pen of course from signing each others’ shirts – and excited about the disco tonight.

I mentioned the school play a moment ago. It was The Tempest and it took place outside last week – in a tempest. The first time I saw a teacher push the rain off the makeshift stage roof with a mop, I thought it was part of the play. It wasn’t, it was the weather. We all sat and watched, and the kids performed during a downpour that lasted the entire 90 minutes. We must be mad. Dot was a star sailor and here she is, back home afterwards, happy to be warm again.

Back to school – ban on term-time holidays?

March 13, 2012

I read in the news that the Government is thinking of making it illegal to take your child out of school for a holiday during term time. What? Have politicians got nothing better to do with their time? What about the state of the economy, the problems with the NHS, the financial climate and global warming for goodness sake.

Is it a case of ‘we can’t control the important things so we’ll control the little things instead, so we still feel like we’re in, er, control’? It beggars belief.

Whether or not a family takes a term-time holiday is down to the family, the school and lets face it, how much money they have. Obviously it’s not ideal, but have you seen the cost of holidays at peak times?

At my daughter’s school for example any parent who wants to take their child out of school during term time has to discuss the situation with the head master. He takes into consideration attendance and the school schedule – whether there are exams coming up. If attendance is deemed satisfactory and there are no exams looming, then chances are the request will be granted. He is a sensible and reasonable man with a family of his own who is well aware of the financial pressures on parents, especially at this time.

Parents were informed at the beginning of the year that no time off for holidays would be granted in May for year 6 pupils as that’s when they have their SATs, which is only common sense, and I haven’t heard of any parent arguing against that.

Politicians should take note that parents do not take their children out of school to be disruptive, rather they take kids out of school so the whole family can enjoy a holiday together, quality time together so they can relax and enjoy each other’s company without the daily stresses and pressures we are all under, all of the time. The alternative for many would be no holiday – going away during school holidays is just too expensive.

Banning families from taking term-time holidays would be counterproductive – part of being a kid is behaving like a kid and where better to do that than on holiday? It’s where families bond, create memories the children take into adulthood, enjoy new experiences, laugh and play.

The lucky ones will continue to do that during official school holidays; the rest of us will have to go without. I wonder which group the politicians fall into…